What Changes When You Believe You Are Holy

The words “I am very holy” can feel like a comfort… or like a dare. It really depends on what life has asked you to walk through.

In this episode, I share a grounded and very personal reflection on A Course in Miracles Lesson 35, and why this line can feel hardest to believe right after heartbreak, public doubt, messy relationships, or those quieter moments when we begin to lose trust in ourselves.

If your sparkle has dimmed a little… or if you’ve found yourself hesitating to be seen again… this conversation is meant to meet you right there.

We talk about what happens when “feedback” starts to feel like critique disguised as love, and how projection can quietly move through a community or friendship until you begin believing a story about yourself that was never yours to carry.

I also explore the connection between the way we see ourselves and the environments we unconsciously create around us. Sometimes we find ourselves drawn into dynamics that both lift us up and slowly cut us down at the same time.

And woven through all of it is the reality of practice. I share honestly about what happens when I drift away from my anchors, whether it’s Ashtanga Yoga or ACIM. When I step away, I spiral. And when I return, I remember what is actually true.

You’ll also hear a potent, very practical way to work with Lesson 35 in daily life.

Scan your mind for the labels you’re wearing today.

Maybe it’s failing, imposed on, depressed, victorious.

Then gently add the correction:

“But my mind is a part of God. I am very holy.”

It’s simple.

It can be confronting.

And strangely, it can also feel like a deep exhale.

A quiet practice of mindfulness and forgiveness you can bring into the middle of real life.

If this episode helps you breathe a little easier, please subscribe, share it with someone you love, and leave a review so more people can find their way back to center.

Transcript

Welcome And Return To Center

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Greetings, Namaste. Welcome to a Return to Center, a place where we explore universal principles, bring them down to earth in a practical way, learning how to embody more and more love. I'm Marie Russell, and for over two decades, I've guided spiritually sincere women and some very soulful men back to center. Through the practices of Ashtanga Yoga on and off the mat, through the teachings of A Course in Miracles, and through the wisdom gained from a life well lived. Together, we explore what it means to live with love as your vantage point, your default, to hear the small still voice, even when fear feels loud, and to trust your original intelligence, especially in the moments that stretch you. It's through the testing that we receive the refinement, the experience, the clarity, the grounded knowing that becomes our testimony. This is my humble offering, a space of remembrance, a rhythm of integration. It's about honoring what's already here within Beyond the Noise, where only love is real. This is a return to center. Greetings, greetings, welcome. I am doing something a little different for today's podcast. Given I'm traveling to Tenerife, I will record something extra, extra filled with mountain vibes and sunshine while I'm there. But for this week, I would like to share with you one of the lessons from A Course in Miracles. And I had recently done a video on this, so we're going to take the audio and make it really clear and cozy for you to dig in and have an experience of what it's like in one of the sections of a return to center. One of the things I love so much about this new offering is that we've started to record, we, meaning me and my inner teacher, as best I can connect. Sharing the Course in Miracles workbook lessons. There's 365 lessons, and this material has been the anchor. It has been my arc from adapted to authentic, from the dark to the light. And this material I know if it's for you, you will know it. It has a very magnetic way of encouraging us to retrain ourselves to see the light in all things and to consider our own uh holiness, our own strength, and to reestablish us into our purpose, which is to be the light that we were designed to be. And that is difficult sometimes, isn't it? That's difficult when we have disappointments and grief and resentments and judgments. It's difficult when we question our strength as a parent, our devotion as a partner, our solitude as a spiritual seeker. And so I wanted to give you this offering of a return to center to bring us together in a way where we have this anchor and community, this place where we can encourage each other to stay at the course, to go through the jungles in our own minds, and to land in the beautiful valleys where we belong to walk without a shadow of the fear and to stabilize ourselves in the love in which we were created. So happy listening, and I'm looking forward to recording something extra, extra loving for you from Tenerife, from the Canary Islands, and I'm sending you all the good things. Bye for now. Okay, friends, we are here discussing lesson 35 in a Course in Miracles, which I just love. I just love every lesson. I just love every lesson so much. My mind is a part of God's. I am very holy. Now, I'm gonna be a little vulnerable here because I was kind of called out by one of my dear friends and she said, Where's the sparkle? Where's the sharing, the intimacy that brought so many people into your world in 2020 and so forth? And there was so much light that would come through you. And I could attribute that to, well, I was living in Mexico, all I did was drink juice and fast. It was like a happy aesthetic living off the grid. I could say it was because I didn't live in the US, I didn't feel the heaviness of life. There was an element of freedom living in Mexico that it just has been elusive here. It's been a lot more work to stay in the light here. And so many hard things have occurred in my life, too. So when I came to this lesson today, it was so interesting because it was like my mind is a part of God's and I'm holy. Like there are moments in life where that doesn't feel true. And the mind will give circumstantial evidence to how that is not true. You are not holy. And I'm remembering this relationship that I'm still kind of recovering from, this friendship that I've been really extracting some of the lessons. Not the one who I talked to who said, Marie, get back online and share your reflections first and then read the Course of Miracles. So you know who you are. Thank you for doing that. You were right, as always. But what I realized is that there was some fear in showing my light again online, to claiming that my mind is a part of God's and that I am very holy. There was this ignorance's bliss energy in my life for literally 20 years. I was so bright. I was sharing love. I was running around the world talking about how only love is real. I was working with yoga students and teachers in their practice and their businesses. I claim and I still claim and own that when I work with anyone, I will see the light in you, even when you don't see it in yourself. Like that is my purpose, that's my function. And so it does take a significant amount of commitment to the belief that my mind is a part of God's and I am very holy for me to be able to do that. And so I felt very misunderstood. I felt that when I there was like this theme that happened around 2020, 2021, where all of that beautiful intention and all of that goodness came into question. And the question was, is she really that great? Is she really that holy? Because she said this, and I think she might be that. And even though so many people in my community believe and practice a course in miracles, believe in the tools, believe in the material, one of those thoughts, one of the lessons is these thoughts don't mean anything. So even though they were having thoughts, questioning integrity, they weren't applying these thoughts don't mean anything to those thoughts. Just like in the previous lesson, I could see peace instead of this, and looking for anxiety-provoking, unloving thoughts and canceling it out with the practice of the day, which is I could see peace instead of this. That was the one before. It became like an infestation, like a virus that literally I was sharing with this friend yesterday that almost felt like a spell. I was so wide open and I was only here to serve. And I'm still only here to serve, only here to share loving consciousness, to be a vehicle for love and a body. That is my only function. But it has become more difficult to subscribe to this idea in a Course in Miracles that my mind is holy, that I am a part of God. You know, the Course teaches us in the text that ideas don't leave their source and that we are ideas in the mind of God. And it uses that truth to show us that when we have ideas of judgment, that thought is not leaving its source, even though it's a projection. And we're saying it's out, you're the one who did this. You're the one who was inauthentic, you're the one who didn't whatever. Pay the yoga alliance on time. Well, the yoga alliance was funding all sorts of crazy stuff. And I was in deep reflection around how do we enter into this new age in our community and our business. And I was questioning a lot at that time. And the dynamic was I was there to serve you, these people, this community. And when that community didn't get exactly what they wanted from me, it was like a question of everything, a question of all of the work. I mean, I remember working with women who had been abused as children and seeing their divine light and seeing that actually that didn't happen to you, that happened to your body, but you are not your body. Like we did immense, deep, transformational work that guided people out of their adapted personalities and who they thought they were into who they actually are, which is an idea in the mind of God. My mind is a part of God's. I'm very holy. That is the essence of the message in Of Course in Miracles. That is the material with which I share this divine information, this cosmic information, only because that's what I've been tagged with. That's the Dharma, that's the purpose, that's the function. And even though there have been questions of integrity and there have been all sorts of attacks, you know, this is I was lucky in a way that I had been, I avoided that for so long that it almost was like a compound that lasted a good long years that ended in a very tumultuous, very strange unfolding of a relationship that now I look at and I think to myself, had I have believed and remembered that my mind is a part of God's and I am very holy, I would have never allowed the dynamic in that relationship to drive so much of it. When someone comes at you and critiques you and you're feeling really bad about yourself, but they're masquerading it as love. I say this because I love you. We've got to look at that. How do we want our relationships to feel? If we are subscribing to spiritual content and our desire is to integrate that content into our lives, it begins in relationships, in relationships with people, in relationships with food, with time, with your purpose. It's everything. The course teaches that everything in life is a relationship. So when we're getting this feedback, I think it's really important. And unfortunately, I had to learn it the hard way and over a stretch of time where it was really deeply depressing and sad and confusing, where I really, it was like an existential crisis. But I was only here to share the love. And that's what I was doing. Or at least that's what I thought I was doing. And so there is this part of me now that wasn't as present, maybe in the beginning with the study of A Course in Miracles, and then it phased out. And then it kind of came back with a vengeance, this aspect of the mind, of the ego that would say, that's not true. That's not true, and this is why. And it's to that conversation in between our ears that we need to attend. It's to that conversation. If I am creating tumultuous relationships, it is because I am subscribed to some negative thinking about myself. I am not saying over and over and over again, but my mind is a part of God's. I am very holy in the face of no matter what is occurring. And through the previous lessons, we've learned that we are the ones creating our external reality. So until we take 100% responsibility for what we've created, we can't change it. So I own my part in this, the part of me that was weak, that was afraid, that had self-doubt, that went into my cave and started to lick my wounds and think nobody loves me anymore. I own that part of my experience. And I deny its power over me. And I'm saying, that's enough. This relationship that nosedived. I remember a line from this friend and she said, Don't ACIM me. Don't ACIM me. And I thought, okay. But that's that's what this is. That's what I believe life is about. It's an awakening into the truth of who you truly are. Who are you? My mind is a part of God's. I'm very holy. So if you're getting that feedback, take it as a sign to change direction, to forgive, to move on, to let it be what it is. And there needs to be consistency between what it is we say and how we show up in the world and how we relate in our relationships. Now, look, I have not been perfect. I mean, my marriage is one of those primary relationships where I mean, I could pull so much content from it. But one thing that I've really shifted in the last few months, six months probably, is the way is the judgment. I've really fine-tuned and been discerning on where my mind wants to go into judgment to prove that he's not good enough. But look, if I'm pointing my finger towards him, I've got three fingers back at me. Whatever is lacking in a relationship is what I am unwilling to bring to it. So if I am willing to bring ACIM wisdom to this relationship, and that relationship doesn't want it, then I've got to go where there's flow, where there's ease. And gratefully, in my marriage and in a couple other very tight relationships, there is a free flow of information. It hasn't always been perfect, it's not always been easy, but there is this decision that we've made that we are holy, we are worthy. And when we step more and more into that positioning, sadly, it does seem that there is more of a negative projection that will come at you. And people will question your integrity. Why? Because can you do it now? And that's the message of Christ consciousness that I find so like grounding that in the face of anything, the Christ, the idea of Christ, the man, was fully subscribed to his divinity as he moved through his human experience. And it wasn't always easy. And a lot of people questioned him. Now, do we need the crucifixion archetype? Do we need to go through that in this life? I do believe that we do, that there's going to be times when you're going to be, you're going to feel like you've been nailed up to a cross. But the message, the deeper cut here is do you get off that cross? Do you resurrect? And there were only three days in between the crucifixion, metaphorically, and the resurrection. So, yes, there is a time frame here. And for some of us, it's longer. For me, it wasn't, it was almost five years where I was just like, I couldn't even. And during that time, given my level of consciousness, I did attract some really negative experiences. End quote. But all of it, again, if I'm subscribed to my own teaching, is happening for me, right? This is happening for me to awaken. And there are a plethora of opportunities that continue to present themselves. And everything is used for the highest. So the more that we have a daily practice and that we allow these magnificent, often feeling the magnitude, the grandiosity of these ideas to permeate our consciousness, the easier it gets. And that's really what happens. I mean, the stretches when I'm not practicing yoga, when I'm not practicing a Course in Miracles, I spiral. And then I'm spiraling, and then I get it invested in that. And I don't want to come out of it because now I'm familiar with that, with that level of relationship, with that level of conflict, with allowing people to speak negatively about me to my face online or behind my back. And to believe it. That's the part, not that they spoke ill, but that I believed it. And so today's message is really about centering yourself in this beautiful wisdom, that your mind is a part of God's and you are very holy. You are very holy. You really are. Really sit with that. Allow yourself to feel what does that feel like? And that is actually humility. It's a false humility to say, no, not me. True humility is almost the awesome of it. Like, wow, is it true? Still even after this, and even after that, it's still true. And the answer is yes. Because none of that is real. Like none of that even happened in the reality of love with a capital R. That was just learning. That was contrast. That was living in the world of illusion. But this, my mind is very holy. My mind is a part of God's, I am very holy. That is grounded in reality. That's eternal. That is universal truth. Those are principles to live by. So I'm gonna go ahead and read this lesson if you have some more time and there might be some more reflections. I know these last few have been a little longer, but I'm just really feeling that the encouragement from this friend to share first and to open up my heart again was important. I was in the first 30-some lessons, just reading and offering a few minutes of reflection. But there was still a timidness in really tying it, letting you see me, letting you feel me. And I want to do that now because I think I'm stronger. I'm stronger and I'm smarter, like my yoga teacher said. Every time you practice yoga, you get stronger and smarter. And every time you don't practice yoga, you get weaker and dumber, which has absolutely been true in my own life. All right, so let us see here. My mind is a part of God's. I'm very holy. Today's idea does not describe the way you see yourself now. It does, however, describe what vision will show you. It is difficult for anyone who thinks he is in this world to believe this of himself. Yet the reason he thinks he is in this world is because he does not believe it. And that's just what we were speaking to. You will believe that you are part of where you think you are. That is because you surround yourself with the environment you want. And you want it to protect the image of yourself that you have made. The image is part of this environment. What you see while you believe you are in it is seen through the eyes of the image. And this is not vision. Images cannot see. So I'm just going to pause here for a second because that's important. This idea that we create our own environment. And I had an image of my mind in my mind, and I was harboring it, that I wasn't good enough, that I had failed, that I was all the things, just name the list. And so I created an environment. I was ripe for a narcissistic type relationship to occur. And I don't throw that word around lightly because I'm not an expert in the field of narcissism. But I do know that there are certain personality traits that we attract to ourselves given the energy and the image that we have made of ourselves. So if I am feeling bad about myself, I'm going to bring someone into my life who's going to say they're going to make me feel better, but also make me feel worse. Does that make sense? And this is why the Course of Miracles is saying what you see while you believe you are in it is seen through the eyes of the image. It's not vision. It's not truth, meaning it's just the image that you've created for yourself and you are creating your environment. So, to continue, the idea for today presents a very different view of yourself. By establishing your source, it establishes your identity and it describes you as you must really be in truth. We will use a somewhat different kind of application for today's idea because the emphasis for today is on the perceiver rather than what he perceives. For each of the three to five practice periods today, begin by repeating today's idea to yourself and then close your eyes and search your mind for the various kinds of descriptive terms in which you see yourself. Include all the ego-based attributes which you ascribe to yourself, positive or negative, desirable or undesirable, grandiose or debased. All of them are equally unreal because you do not look upon yourself through the eyes of holiness. In the earlier part of the mind searching period, you will probably emphasize what you consider to be the more negative aspects of your perception of yourself. Toward the latter part of the exercise period, however, more self-inflating descriptive terms may well cross your mind. Try to recognize that the direction of your fantasies about yourself does not matter. Illusions have no direction in reality. They are merely not true. So powerful. So it's saying here, as you practice, you're going to see some of the negative things you think about yourself. And then as you continue, some of the better qualities that you might attribute to yourself. It's saying that it doesn't matter. Illusions have no direction in reality. They're not true. So behind the thoughts of good or bad is holiness, is the truth of who you really are. So it's saying here a suitable unselected list for applying the idea for today might be as follows I see myself as imposed on. I see myself as depressed. I see myself as failing. I see myself as endangered. I see myself as helpless. I see myself as victorious. I see myself as losing out. I see myself as charitable. I see myself as virtuous. You should not think of these terms in an abstract way. They will occur to you as very situations, personalities, and events in which you figure cross your mind. Pick up any specific situation that occurs to you. Identify the descriptive term or terms you feel are applicable to your reactions to that situation and use them in applying today's idea. After you named each one, add, but my mind is a part of God's, I am very holy. So I'm going to pause again here. It's like you're not thinking of these things, the way that you see yourself in an abstract way. It's saying they're going to come to you, like I shared in this earlier video, that as situations in your life, as relationships, as personalities and events, as those situations, personalities, and events cross your mind, you're unpacking that with a thought about what it means and who you are in it. And then the course is asking us to say, after you've named it, like I just did earlier, this situation, I created this environment. I was feeling sorry for myself. I was feeling misunderstood. And instead of seeing those things straight away and saying, but my mind is part of God's. We have that frame and we think it's the truth. And the course is saying it is not. But my mind is part of God's. I am very holy. During the longer exercise periods, there will probably be intervals in which nothing specific occurs to you. Do not strain to think up specific things to fill the interval, but merely relax and repeat today's idea slowly until something occurs to you. Although nothing that does occur should be omitted from the exercises. Nothing should be dug out with effort. That's important. We don't need to go in there and start digging for dark, okay? Neither force nor discrimination should be used. As often as possible during the day, pick up a specific attribute or attributes you are ascribing to yourself at the time and apply the idea for today to them, adding the idea in the form stated above to each of them. If nothing particular occurs to you, merely repeat the idea to yourself with eyes closed. So it's powerful, right? To go through your day and realize, wow, I'm thinking some negative thoughts about myself. I'm in judgment about this. And boom. But my mind is part of God's. I am very holy. Do you see how important it is? I think you do, to retrain your mind to the truth of who you are instead of the images that you have made. I trust this was useful. I'll see you in the next lesson. Bye for now. Thank you, thank you for your ear today. Thank you for your heart space. Thank you for being open. Thank you for returning to center with me. This space is here for the moments you forget and the moments you remember, for the breath beneath the push, for the truth that doesn't shout. If what you heard today met you where you are, I invite you to take your time and let it settle. And when you're ready, share it, sit with it, or simply return to it. Because the center isn't a place we find once, it's a rhythm we remember. Until next time, stay true, stay open, share with your friends, family, and remember, only love is real. Anyway.